Mrslaurenn's Blog

my life as a stay at home mom

Being Honest With God August 1, 2009

Filed under: life — misslaurenn @ 7:43 pm
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Would you not think we could be completely? He already knows what your thinking? How can you have a true relationship with God, if your not being totally honest with him. (or anyone for that matter) Every time i hear people talking about God and the relationship they have i wonder what kind they have? Me myself i have to often keep myself in check, i get wayy to comfortable. Its like i forget hey this is God the almighty the one that lets be honest if he wanted to can take all i have away. But really, I am not the praying type that my prayers will impact the world. I just have multiple daily conversations with him. When i pray out loud with my husband, sometimes i think i sound like a child. [: I also usually pray with my eyes OPEN.. because otherwise i get off track and distracted and my mind is racing everywhere but where it should be. Has anyone else noticed how no one says we sin anymore? You just hear oh you made a mistake an error a lapse in judgement but you don’t hear i sinned. Which is what you did, call it what it is. SIN!! I think we call it other things because we do not want to think of it as sin, then we would be “bad” people. So we pretend its something else. But, its not. We sin everyday. And i do not think it makes you a bad person. I also do not think we have the right or the authority to say who is bad and who is not. I know people will say all kinds of things about me but… all those people out there mudering and raping and toturing peopel need help. Because they are sick and the devil has just consumed them. Me and my “sister from another mister” were talking about this. I think most people believe in heaven but its like they don’t think of the Devil. I honestly believe someone would have to truly have the devil in their hearts and minds to do these terrible things. So when someone says the devil made me do it, everyone is all like ohh my gosh that is just a cop-out. But, i don’t think so. No person would do these horrible things if God was in their minds and hearts. I try to read a little bit of the bible every morning after my daughter goes down for her nap (no i don’t do it every morning) but i try. I also usually read the same thing over and over until i understand it. Sometimes i even look up the same thing in many other bibles or even research it on the web. But, anyway isn’t it amamzzzing how we can read a book from start to finish in NOO TIME but we cannot seem to read the bible from start to finish. So that is my goal over the next year (a know it seems like a long time but i am trying to make a reachable goal) i want to read the bible from front cover to back. I want to know his word so i can actually have a relationship with him. Not that i think you HAVE to read the whole bible to do this. But i sure think it helps. I want to have a relationship with God i want him to be my Father, My Friend, My Teacher, My Protector, My Everything. I want to go to him with everything i do. If he doesn’t have all of me what is the point?

The other thing that people do not think about or really care. (i myself am guilty) Every choice you make has an impact wayy farther than you can imagine. When me and my now “Mr.Hubby” choose to have sex even though we weren’t married, we choose for it to effect sooo many people. Of course ourselves directly, but also our parents, our siblings, our friends, our extended family (aunts and uncles grandparents) and at first with his family the effect was not good at all. The little girls i have know for 10+ years, were effected. Because i was so close to them they knew i was pregnant and knew we weren’t married. So they questioned that. Then they of course asked their parents so then it affected their parents. It affected my relationship with his family. (its much much better now) But it wasn’t. It was bad for a loong time. Us choosing to have sex and then when i got pregnant meant people thought they knew better than us that they knew we couldn’t raise a baby that we couldn’t be together that we made terrible decisions and they needed to make them now. When we decided to get married that made an impact, it made LOTS of people extremely happy. They were soo glad we decided to get married. (and i think if we had waited we would not have, things aren’t always easy but i think we will be more likely to work them out because we are married) But then there were many more people that were not happy. Many friends that don’t call anymore, that weren’t very “friend acting” at the wedding. Many people thought we should wait, so many people told each of us what a HUGE mistake we are making and that there is probably someone better out there. Many of those people are still not kind to us today. Some family members still are not very nice.  People rub it in my husbands face that they get to go out and party and go out with a different girl every night. All this because We CHOSE to have sex Keep OUR beautiful baby girl and get married. You can never even begin to imagine the impact that these choices have had on soo soo many people. But its not always major decisions that affect people its your everyday things also. Opening a door for someone or letting it close on them, cutting someone off or letting them over, Smiling at someone or saying hello, being nice to those in the customer service industry even when they aren’t. All these things effect people. Wouldn’t you want to make the best affect possible on people. I do. After all the sinful choices i have made in my life i want to make some good ones that positively affect people.

Anyway i don’t know that i hit everything i wanted to in this post. But i have a lot on my mind and i tried getting it all out. I don’t even know if this makes sense at all. Hopefully it does.

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yes i am one of those moms

Filed under: life — misslaurenn @ 4:57 pm
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who picks up her beautifully perfect daughter the very second she cries. yes i tried to let her sleep with us but Mr.hubby nipped that in the bud. But during the day when he is gone where does she nap?! Right next to me in bed, i either nap with her or browse the interwebs or fold clothes or read, or write in here. [: I don’t let anyone else watch her.. our dates always have her along with us. I am too stubborn to let anyone help or ask for help, with anything. there are multiple reasons really: I hate to hear her upset so i do everything i can to make her happy:i think because i have always gone to her when she cries: she trusts me:babies can’t communicate what they want til they are older so i try to focus on figuring out what each cry means:i am a stay at home mommy and i have nothing else to do most of the time.

But really it just comes down to this, i love her more than anything. SHe is my ENTIRE life (aside from my hubby) and i am hers. She loves me more than anyone else!! (sorry daddy) She needs me more than anyone. She wants me above anyone else.

I won’t say i take pleasure in the fact that she cries when i walk away (sometimes i do want me time) but it does make me feel good that she loves me.

But, one day that will change. One day she will not want me this much, one day i will not be her entire life, one day it will not be me that makes her the happiest, one day she will feel she doesn’t need me and doesn’t love me the most. (maybe or maybe not)

But this is all a possibility.

SOooO when she is 16 and screaming at me she wants to go do something when i said no.. and i go to bed that night cuddled up to Mr.Hubby crying that she hates me i will remember these days. When she only wanted me. When we take naps together and she is soo tired but will not go to sleep and the only thing that will comfort her is for me to hold her really close and rub her head and whisper in her ear. Because one day my baby girl will not need me and the thought kills me. It breaks my heart in thousands of pieces.

One day we will have other children.. But she will always be the first the baby girl our miracle baby girl.

So yes, i may not let her out of my sight,yes  i may spoil her, yes i let her use the boob sometimes as a soothing thing, yes i started putting rice formula in her bottle at 2 months old, yes i started giving her fruit at 3 1/2 yes i make up strict schedules for everything, yes she did used to go to bed at 7:30 every night, (she is older now so we extended it to 9) yes my baby dresses better than me, yes i use cloth diapers, yes i did cry the day she started to play by herself, (a cry of thankfulness and sadness) yes i  do all the things people say you shouldn’t. But, i don’t care because i know she is a happy baby and that is ALL that matters!! Lastly yes i will kill you if it meant protecting her. ;]  [:

And yes, i am 100% positive me and my husband could use some alone time, but what would be the point if the whole time we are talking about her and thinking about her. AND BESIDES she is really good when we go out places usually its like she is not even there at all. So, as long as this is the case she will  come along with us everywhere.

bottom line is i love my daughter i love my family. and my husband is not mad about any of this so we are good. because believe me he would in a heart beat tell me if he didn’t like or want me doing something anymore the way i was.

i just thought i would say all this so people would know. look at this face who could do anything less than this anyway.messinround 089



 

The impact… July 22, 2009

Filed under: life — misslaurenn @ 2:04 am
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I have a 7 month old BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL!! And i have babysat since i was, hmm 8-10 years old. So, I have always seen the impact that YOU have on children. But lately I’ve noticed that my daughter is already doing some of the things I do. For instance, When we are walking out the house with a million things in hand including a baby i tend to carry my keys in my mouth (MY mother always fusses me about this to this day) so EVERY time i do what does my little girl do? She grabs the keys from me puts them in her mouth looks at me and smiles and laughs? Its like she is saying “Look Mom I can do it to”!! When we take naps, i lay on my side and lay a certain way my hands and everything go the same way every time i sleep. Well, i have noticed she sleeps the SAME way. At first thinking about it i was like ohh this is soo cool and cute then i thought, i need to be more careful and aware! My daughter is probably going to be just like me so i need to make sure she is the best parts of me!

On another note, she is going through some seperation anxiety. I am sure it could be much worse, its not that bad. But it is still pretty bad. If i need to walk away and she notices i am gone she cries and gets upset, sometimes i’ll pick her up but i’ve been trying to just make her notice her toys and give her a paci. I don’t want her to be completley inpendant of me, but at the same time i want to be able to shower. And let me just say i FIRMLY believe the first 7 months of her life have gone so well because i built up such a strong bond/trust with her. I know that she knows i will be there if she needs me. So how do you do with or have dealt with the seperation anxiety?

I am a stay at home mom, and we are trying to be “money smart” so i don’t go galloping the town and wasting gas like i would love to. So what are your ideas of things to do while i am at home? Any…?! What do you do?

Lately i have been getting some nasty e-mails about me being a young mom….

At first i was very defensive, then i was hurt, then i was mad.

Now, i am just fed up with them. So this is all i will say. I have since the DAY she was born taken care of her. I do it all, she is my life and i will always do everything i can to give her what she needs. If you think i am doing a horrible job, and that i’m going to hell i am sorry. You have every right to think you have the right to judge me and my ability to be a mom. But I am not going to continue to indulge your mean-ness. I do KNOW i am a good mom! And thats the end of that.

And at the end of the day i made the Most Beautifulist baby in the world!!!

summer 017


 

This HUGE thing called Credit July 21, 2009

Filed under: life — misslaurenn @ 4:48 am
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We are newly married newly parents and newly starting out life, therefore we have NONE!! But my husband he makes a decent amount, and yet we have no way to get us (significant) credit so we can get into a house. I am pretty sad about it, i was hoping to be in a house by christmas. So i have been pouting and being really sad. I couldn’t even bring myself to write. Which is always a sign its bad with me. LOL!!! But, on another note due to all this hormonal mess i really am getting some good cleaning and organizing out of it. 🙂

On a more exciting note my Avon selling is taking off well. 🙂  My last night of the bible study i was doing is tomorrow. COMPLETELY random thought i think i want to go to new york for christmas. 🙂 WOULD THAT NOT BE SOO FUN!?!

Anyway i have to go to bed, i already stayed out later than my hubby wanted me to as it is. ( i was hanging out with his mom)

 

Avon!! July 17, 2009

Filed under: life — misslaurenn @ 3:14 am

Hello Everyone,
I wanted to take the time to introduce and invite you to the start of my business. I am now an Avon Representative! I’m very excited about the many opportunities this is going to bring me. As in any business the beginning is crucial, so I am hoping many of you will help support my new business. I have catalogs you can look at, and if your interested in knowing more about starting your own business where you pick your hours I would be thrilled to discuss that as well. I look forward to throwing many “Themed” Avon parties in the future!! I just can’t tell you enough how excited I am!! Once again, I really hope you all will contact me for further information. I will be happy to come to your house and show you a catalog, or give you some to show to your co-workers and friends and family. Also, I am a ERepresentative so  please check out MY personal Avon website. You can purchase directly from ME from this website.
Thanks Everyone!!
Lauren Sears

I’m soo excited I have great ideas and plans working up. So stay tuned.

 

Organizing it never ever ends!! July 14, 2009

Filed under: life — misslaurenn @ 3:36 am

Today consisted of lots of crying and lots of cleaning. What do you expect?! My hormones are all over the place. Aunt FLO still really hasn’t come back, so i am just up and down and sideways and just wrong!! I avoided all phone calls i could. But i could only cry of course while my daughter was napping. While she was awake, we played and had fun. When nothing else can brighten my day, she ALWAYS can. 🙂 Today didn’t start out like this, I’m not exactly sure how it turned in to this. But this blog post will be grim. I’m sorry. 😦 On the bright side i cooked baked spaghetti and it was YUMMY!!! 🙂 Also i put up a disclosure and product review page. I am working REALLY hard to get our house organized. I’m like a wild tiger on the loose!! I am spring cleaning in the VERY VERY HOT summer. I made a command center finally which i am excited about. It really has been a good release. I read an interestingly sad article in the paper. Once again this is why we don’t have cable you can read that HERE So anyway, i need to have a serious quiet time with GOD so i’ll post again later. Obviously note the Good bad ugly or sad i’m going to post. 🙂 🙂 Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

On a funny note my Mr.Hubby is a sleep talker. Not the normal babbling type. He is a off the wall bizarre totally not make me yell to him to get back into bed. (but if i did it wouldn’t be becuase its 3 in the morning) So he’ll do things like go talk to walls or doors or see things that are not there then tell me about them. Tell me to get up out of bed to go iron his clothes then when i don’t do it he will get upset with me. Tell me to get out of bed so he can make the bed. Then if i try to tell him he is saying wierd things again he will get mad and say NO I’M NOT LISTEN TO ME!! Or something along those lines. So then i tell him to go to bed and he will really get mad and pout and throw himself over onto his side and go back to sleep. 🙂 I love my hubby!! He is so crazy great lovely handsome!! 🙂

 

July 13, 2009

Filed under: life — misslaurenn @ 3:06 am
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Today at church we are doing the ONE PRAYER mission. So Pastor Phillip spoke, his prayer was for passion. That we would have passion in all that we do. But among that message something he said really hit me. How Christians constantly judge one another especially other churches. I found this to be soo harshly true. And i have been trying so hard, not to think ANY negative thoughts about people. I try to always turn a bad thought into a good one right away. It is so easy to right off the bat say OH MY LOOK AT HER OR HIM OR THEM!!! When me myself is NOT WITHOUT SIN!!! So why do i judge so much. Then i got to thinking how easily we gossip. So, i am making it my goal to eliminate this out of my life. I really really am!! I’ve been trying its made me feel better, but i am going to put a lot more effort into it. Also, when i am in church holding my little girl i dance with her and sing, but when i am by myself i stand there stiff and lip sing. WHY?!! Why am i so afraid to get into the Spirit. I feel it when i am standing there, i am just to afraid to let it out? Probably fear of being judged. On a different not i was talking to some people about tweeting and blogging. I am trying to PUSH as many people as i can into blogging and tweeting. 🙂 I am slowly converting everyone!! One person at a time!! Its late and i only got three hours of sleep last night so i really really must go to bed. Goodnight!

Matthew 10:24-33 24 A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his lord.25 It is enough for the disciple that he be as his teacher, and the servant as his lord. If they have called the master of the house Beelzebub, how much more them of his household!26 Fear them not therefore: for there is nothing covered, that shall not be revealed; and hid, that shall not be known.27 What I tell you in the darkness, speak ye in the light; and what ye hear in the ear, proclaim upon the house-tops.28 And be not afraid of them that kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.29 Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? and not one of them shall fall on the ground without your Father:30 but the very hairs of your head are all numbered.31 Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.32 Every one therefore who shall confess me before men, him will I also confess before my Father who is in heaven.33 But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father who is in heaven.

How easy we convince ourselves of things we do not need. Living on one income is hard, but its even harder in a time like this. Everyone judges you by what you wear
what you drive what computer you use what your children wear. I am soo grateful for everything God has blessed me with! But, lately i have really been wanting more.Things just haven’t been going well. Its the typical i want this much goodness but i want it NOW. I know i have been very selfish. Lately i have been thinking about going back to work. My daughter is almost 7 months old. I have been home with her everyday of her life!! So the thought is very hard very heartbreaking, but i want my family to have everything. So this is the delima going on at our house TO WORK OR NOT TO WORK. Of course Mr.Hubby the great man he is says i don’t have to but if i want to i can. He want make my decision for me!! LoL!! So i am just going to continue to pray and decide what decision is right for us. So stay at home moms and working moms do you have any advice?!